Day 40 - Love is a covenant

Ah...the end. We have completed this journey together. Or have we? For me, the Love Dare has truly just begun. I have learned some real world techniques and approaches that will strengthen our marriage because I have been strengthened. I am more in tuned to my thoughts and actions, including how they impact William. I am more convinced that I have to deal with my own behavior to have the relationship I want. So here are my renewed vows:

1. I promise to love William no matter what. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Until death parts us.

2. I promise to nip 'crazy' in the bud. I will not allow foolish things to get in the way of our love. My ego, pride, and other life complications will not cloud my ability to love William and treat him with care and concern.

3. I will cherish William. I pray for and with my husband daily. I am seeking ways to fulfill his dreams. We are one and his happiness is my happiness. His peace is my peace. His joy is my joy.

4. I will think and believe the best for us. My thought life drives this marriage. I speak favor, prosperity and health over my marriage and over our lives.

These vows capture the essence of my learning from the 40 days. I am so blessed to have this blog to remind me of the awesome journey we have been on and what I have learned. I pray that this adventure has been amazing for you also. Please continue the Love Dare with your spouse as I am confident that it will allow each of you to have a more fulfilled marriage.

Be blessed!

Day 39 - Love Endures

My dearest William,

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS - no matter what.

I could go on and on about why this is true but none of that matters.

I just want you to know that my heart chooses you.

My mind chooses you. My soul chooses you. My God has chosen you.

So, when you are feeling loved, I love you. When you are feeling hated, I love you. When we disagree, I love you. When you hurt me, I still love you. When you are sick, I love you. When you are on top of the world, I love you. When you are angry with me, I love you. When you hurt my feelings, I love you.

God placed you and me together and that's it. Nothing else matters. Nothing will change that.

So, I pray you feel safe and secure and energized and passionate and loved in my love.

Because I love you....always...forever.

Marchoe

Day 38 - Love fulfills dreams

What are my husband's dreams? What can I do that would make a real difference for him?

These are questions that I desire to answer and make come true. Right now, my husband would love a new camera. Specifically, he would want a Canon 5D, which costs about $2500. He also would want my help in getting his business off the ground. We have a plan to achieve both of these goals.

I want to make his dreams come true. I want to travel the world with him. I want him to know at all times that he is my top priority, as shown by my words and deeds. I want him to have everything he could ever want. Not because he deserves it. Frankly, none of us do. But, because we serve a God that desires that we seek Him first and He said that all these things will be added to us. I want all of the blessings God has for William to manifest themselves in his life. I want all of the blessings God has for us to come to fruition.

We are in the midst of fulfilling one of our big dreams. We are before God asking Him to make it happen. We will keep you posted as God brings it to the present. Keep seeking Him the more for yourself and for your spouse.

Be blessed.

Day 36 - Love is God's Word

God's word is a wonder. So many times, the word of God has convinced me of which way to move in my life. And it has always worked.

I have to be honest. Tonight, I am feeling God's urging in a part of my life - but it scares me. I can't even say that it's scary as much as its unknown. And its been a while since I have had to step out on the unknown and really trust God. For a good stretch, about 18 months, my life has been pretty straight forward. I ask God for something or rather God plants something in my spirit and I have been open to being used. Now, God is calling me to do something NEW. He is asking me to step out on him and just trust. He is looking to take us to a new place and frankly, we've gotten comfortable in this place.

His word says in Deuteronomy 6:5-12

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

¹⁰ When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, ¹¹ houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, ¹² be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

This is the scripture for this season of my life. I need to:

1. Love the Lord with all of my heart, mind and strength

2. Teach Kendall to do the same

3. Take every occasion to tell others about God

4. When the Lord blesses me, don't forget about Him

The Lord is looking to take us higher and I say, thank you for being so mindful of us. We accept the challenge. I accept it, not because I am afraid of being disobedient, but because I want everything God has for me. I am in a season of prosperity, of health, of joy and of peace. I accept God's blessings for me and my household. In Jesus' name.

Day 37 - Love agrees in prayer

William and I have been inconsistent in having a joint prayer life. However, today's dare is the beginning of our consistency. One of the things that the Love Dare has shown us is that everything on my to do list is on William's to do list and vice versa. He can't be successful without my prayers and I can't be successful without his. Therefore, its important that we touch and agree daily in prayer, putting our petitions before the Lord.

We have agreed that an area of focus for us in the short term is taking William's business to the next level. We have a list of 5 things to do in the next 30 days to work towards that end:
1. Purchase new equipment (camera + lights)
2. Website up and running
3. Begin preparations for a new studio
4. Marketing communications developed and sent
5. Secure consistent daycare for Kendall

An area where I need William's help is in identifying how to bring my ministry vision to life. I have a strong desire to help the body of Christ put the word of God into practice in our lives. The things we will do are:
1. Stay in prayer
2. Meet with others who may have a heart for this ministry
3. Put together an action plan on where to go next

I hope that you have agreed to pray with your spouse. I am so excited for this!

Be blessed!

Day 35 - Love is Accountable

Today's dare is one that I have a lot of heart for.

It's all about getting around the right people to keep your marriage on track. Honestly, William and I have good friends that we hang out with and that help to keep our marriage on track. We lack a mentor, however. We have committed to praying and asking the Lord to reveal who should be our marriage mentors.

We have some good candidates around us. So now, we just need to ask someone to invest in us in that way.

I hope that you have the right folks around you to keep your marriage in tact. Its critical to have the right people speaking the right things over your life.

Day 34 - Love Celebrates Godliness

Will truly walks out his faith everyday, so this was an easy dare.

Today, we saw a member of our church that we hadn't seen in several weeks, in passing, while in the car. We waved and blew our horns as we passed by. Immediately, Will used it as an opportunity to encourage him, by calling him on his cell phone. I know that Will had called him many times before, without ever receiving a call back, but he wasn't discouraged by that. He knew that since he saw him this time, it was a great opportunity to connect and they did.

As they chatted by phone, I thanked God for my husband. If it had been me in that situation, I likely would have waved as we passed by and that would have been it. I would have felt like I had done my part previous to seeing them by calling and leaving messages. But Will was truly focused on the result, not just giving a cursory effort. I thank God for his example to me. I thank God for his hunger and thirst to see the people of God live prosperous lives.

This is only one example. He sent out a text message to our church family yesterday, seeking prayer for our sister that's in the hospital with double pneumonia. He was so touched that so many church members, including the teens, wrote him back committing to pray for Lisa. It's easy for folks to connect with Will, because he truly is committed to Godliness. So today, I celebrate my love for my husband. I celebrate his godliness.

Be blessed!

Day 33 - Love completes each other

The Ecclesiastes scripture for today is inscribed in William's wedding band. We are truly better together than either of us would be on our own.

Today was an awesome day for us, proving this to be true. This morning, on my commute to work I called William and really prayed with him. It was amazing. I had been longing to tell him about some of my spiritual struggles over the recent weeks and he completely heard me, encouraged me, and validated how I was feeling. As I have shared, God is really urging me to lay down negative thinking in my life and really expect only the best. With that as my mantra, its been difficult to listen to 'guilt' messages to urge me to draw nearer to God. I am really seeking a word that is promised base and says here is how you are fulfilling God's plan when you draw near - not draw near or else.

This afternoon, we called a realtor about a house that I believe God wants to bless us with. I was feeling like William was lukewarm on it, but I found out that he is just as excited, just wants to be sure we can sell our current place. I am cool with that - and could encourage him in how we would be successful in that endeavor.

Net - we showed that we truly complete each other. I want to seek him for the things that I am unsure or concerned about. He is the King of my castle, and God has poured a good and living word in him just for me. The same is true on the other side - God is calling me to be William's help mate and has poured the capabilities in me to complete the task. So again, I thank God for the privelege of marriage. I thank him for loving us both enough to send us one another.

Give God Glory for your spouse!

Day 32 - Love meets sexual needs

Kendall sleep in her carseat on the way home from swimming

In our society, we treat love like its something dirty often times or unnecessary. However, God designed it to be a good thing, a point of connection between a husbad and a wife. It was a gift to us and we should have a healthy desire (or appetite) for it.

In our marriage, sex is probably the thing that we are not as open about. Having grown up in the church, I feel that sex is something that we pretend doesn't exist. I personally feel uncomfortable even typing this.

However, if we were talking about Love meets financial needs, or spiritual needs, or communication needs, I could expound on it all day. But sex - even typing the word, makes me feel like I am being too provocative. However, the reality is that sex is great for us - well I can't speak for everyone...its great for me.

I feel closer to my spouse - acheiving God's desire for us to be one. I feel freer - it releases stresses and anxiety. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful mate, who I want to please and who wants to please me. Today's dare was amazing. It's a dare that we have an opportunity to take on daily :-).

Be blessed.

Day 31 - Love and Marriage

Wow - Today's passage made me so grateful and thankful that God chose me to be in such an intimate and important relationship with another person. We should desire to be one in everything we do.

In our marriage, we have truly cleaved to one another, probably more out of necessity than anything. Since we live apart from our families (4 hours by car for me, 6 hours by car for William), our families are not pulling us back. We have formed a very important bond where we truly operate as one more often than we take sides with our families. Early on, I used to focus alot more on my family. I was so concerned about how they were getting by and riddled with guilt in needing to step in and save them. William has really encouraged me to not be an enabler, but rather, be willing to step back and let grown folks be grown. I thank him for that.

As we have a child, I think that has caused us to operate even more as a unit. We have to be on the same page, so we can raise the disciple of Christ that we desire to. Be blessed!!

Day 30 - Love brings unity

One area of our marriage where there is division is in William's business. I talk about it as being separate from me. I operate like it's separate from me. It's his thing.

What if I treated the business like it was ours? What if I operated like we couldn't survive without it being successful? What if it were my business?

Here are some choices I'd make:

1. I would have a website yesterday.

2. I would place Kendall in daycare at least 2 days a week to allow time to work on my business.

3. I'd commit to a plan of action daily to attract others to my business.

So why is this an area of division? Frankly, because its hard. I don't want the stigma of having a business that's not successful. Business requires clear investment choices...we would have to dig in and spend our savings differently, operate our home differently, be different in our weekend activities. We'd have to be committed to the business. It would have to move beyond a lucrative hobby.

My prayer...Lord, help us to choose to invest in the success of our business. Change my thinking, my language, my attitude about our business. Help me to trust you more, knowing that you can meet all of our needs and desires through our business. I pray that you would give us a plan of attack, that William leads and I fully help to enable. This is my prayer....

Day 29 - Love's motivation

God is my love motivation.

I want to please God so much that I have to love my husband...no matter what. I know that if I do God's will, all things will work together for good. I know that HE will fight my battles. I know that He will prosper me and keep me in health, even as my soul prospers. I know that He will go before me. He will be my rock, my fortress, my strong tower, my very present help in times of struggle. I know that He will favor me.

I also know that my husband will be blessed. I know that my children will be favored. I know that my home will be blessed. My cupboards will be blessed. Everything that my hand touches will be prospered. Why - because I am doing the Lord's will. I am loving my husband.

Be blessed.

Day 28 - Love makes sacrifices

My spouse's greatest need from me is help with his business. William is an awesome photographer. However, running a small business is not his strength. I, on the other hand, love the challenge of business, but don't have the creative skills that he has. Sounds like a perfect match, right?

Well, I have to admit that I have been to this rodeo before. William and I have agreed that I would help him with various aspects of his business. He is always excited...at first. The sticking point is that William likes to work at a much slower pace than me. I like to make a decision and get on with it. He wants to think about it and forget about it and think about it some more. So, in the past, I have simply shared how I think it should be done or approached and have left him to go and make it happen. Not surprising, there hasn't been a lot of progress made.

So, in the name our marriage, I have chosen to do the following:

1. Developing a goals list for his business, including timeline for making them happen

2. Putting Kendall in daycare full time so he can devote more time to his work

While not radical changes, I hope it is enough to get us partnering on something that really matters to both of us and leverages our unique capabilities. Be blessed.

Day 27 - Love encourages

William hasn't ever told me that my expectations are unreasonable. At least, if he has, I can't remember. One area that I believe my expectations may be out of whack are when it comes to Kendall.

I believe William should help me more when it comes to her. I am often disappointed (although not openly expressing it) that I am always the one to wake up with her in the morning no matter what the time and I always give her a bath and put her to sleep in the evenings. However, I have not expressed this to him, so he may think that those are tasks that I really want to do everyday....and he's likely right. See - the one thing that today's dare taught me is that in an effort to keep peace, I don't always share my expectations. So expectations that aren't shared are difficult to meet.

So, I have chosen to not expect his help in the mornings and in the evenings UNLESS I ask for it. AND, I will be more grateful for the awesome privelege it is to take care of Kendall. She is my ministry. She will follow my lead and example and I want to pour into her the very best as often as I can.

So, today, I apologize to William for having unrealistic expectations that I haven't even communicated. My focus is on him and Kendall, recognizing all of the wonderful things he does to keep our family life and marriage strong.

Day 26 - Love is responsible

Can you tell? The real photographer is back?

Today's dare is one that I want to bring to life in every part of my life. The ability to admit my mistakes openly and share what I learned from it is something I have been focused on at work. How much more do I want to build that into my most important relationship?

For today's dare, there are three areas I am asking for forgiveness:

1. Holding grudges

2. Thinking on the negative vs. expecting the best

3. Not confronting issues in a timely manner

Things that I want to resolve with William this weekend:

1. What do we really want to do about Kendall's child care long term

2. Where are we going on vacation in the fall?

3. Do we really want to move ? What are we committed to do at our current house?

Hope you are still enjoying the Love Dare. Be blessed!

Day 25 - Love forgives

William with a touch of salt & pepper hair

William with his first taste of H2O with Gas in a few weeks

Today's dare was fairly straightforward. I have forgiven William for any and everything he has ever done wrong towards me. The thing I have chosen to work on is forgiving EVERYONE more quickly. Last week, my mom wanted to do something for my brother, despite making a commitment to do something for me. She put her commitment to me on the back burner to take care of his need. I wasn't happy at all.

However, I made up in my mind to forgive her right away. She wasn't operating with any malice in her heart. She simply didn't want to discuss/explore a solution that allowed her to meet my brother's needs, while still keeping her commitment to me.

Today's dare showed me the importance of communication and being courageous enough to have the conversations that will ultimately help us stay out of hot water with the people we love most. My mother could have said, 'I know I committed to do this with you, however, something has come up and I'd like to be there for your brother. How should I approach this, so you don't feel slighted and I can do something that's important to me.' Instead, she pretended that she could meet both of our needs at the same time, which was not possible.

Usually, my reaction is, 'Can you believe my mom did this? She completely sold me out.' Instead, I chose to not focus on being a victim, but rather on being the victor. I said, mom, if you had told me that you needed to do something for Marshall, then I would have done something else while you helped him out. Instead, you took away my options to do anything else by pretending that you could address both of our needs at the same time. In the future, I'd appreciate you just telling me what you have to do and presenting me with options.

She agreed, but I am sure she felt scolded by her daughter. I felt great, because I had the opportunity to be honest and transparent with someone I love. I didn't blame her or yell at her or give her the silent treatment. I simply told her what i didn't like about what she did and how I'd like to be treated going forward.

For me, William is the easiest person in the world to talk to like this. He is my soul mate. We are beyond hurting one another's feelings or having to put up false faces. We just tell it like it is. And he is the first to apologize to restore order in our relationship. I just love this man. I am so happy he has returned safely - and even with a little salt & pepper on top.

Be blessed!

Day 24 - Love vs. Lust

Today's dare was a bit of a challenge, because it has been hard for me to identify something that I am lusting after.

I honestly don't have anything that comes to mind. I am not power trippin' for someone else's job or house. I do want a new car - but I am trusting God to supply the car I want without a car payment. So, until there is enough $$ in the savings account, I will continue driving the paid for cars in the garage. William and I are considering buying a new house, but we have also committed to only buying a house that has everything we are looking for and is one we can afford. So, I can't really identify anything that's forbidden that I want.

I am LOVING my husband today. After two weeks in Haiti, he returns home tonight and I am so excited to see him. I am a stickler about Kendall's bed time, but will break the rules this time, so she can see her dad when he gets to the airport this evening. So look out for William's comments as he returns from Haiti and gets caught up on my progress on the Love Dare.

Be blessed!

Day 23 - Love always protects

Kendall's first two teeth!

Today's dare was about giving up anything that is hindering you from always protecting your spouse. The two things I identified that I need to give up:

1. Swedish fish: I know this likely sounds small and insignificant. Frankly, I'd like to believe that to be so. However, given that I eat them almost daily, it must be masking something else that's going on that I don't want to face. This isn't new for me. I can think of going to the store as a teen and getting a back of swedish fish - why? Perhaps, when I get stressed, its my drug of choice. Or, when I am frustrated, I turn to a handful of candy. Sure, its not killing me. But, like any drug, it's not allowing me to fully experience my emotions and deal with them. It allows me to chill out and supress any emotions that I need to share. Therefore, I am putting them away completely. I am not clear right now on what it's helping me to avoid. Until I know it, then I need to be done with it.

2. Waiting for the other shoe to drop: I refuse to sit and wait for bad things to happen. I have chosen to believe that God only wants good for my life. The song by David Lawrence, Eden, talks about living on top of the world. That's where God designed us to live. When I am living, hoping that, if something bad happens, I am equipped to deal with it, that's a problem. I want to only expect God's best. I put this into action immediately. As Kendall and I said her prayers this evening, I prayed for her teeth, since she's teething. I took it a step further. I prayed that she is pain-free as she teeths. I prayed that her 'real' teeth are straight, so that she never needs braces ( That is truly a prayer of faith since I had braces and William is considering getting them).

Net - I want to protect my marriage by working on myself. Isn't that crazy? Most messages suggest that our spouses are the ones that need fixing. Love always protects gives me some tangible things I need to work on to strengthen our marriage. Thank God!!

Day 22 - Love is faithful

Faithful love, Hosea's type of love is impossible without Christ. Why?

Because our egos won't allow it. None of us wants to look like we are being played, even if its by our spouse. Something rises up in us that says, 'I don't have to take this. Doesn't he/she know who I am? I'm out.' But faithful love says that no matter what comes or goes, I am here. No matter what you do, I am not going anywhere. I am committed to this marriage. If you are sick, I'm still here for you. If you do me wrong, I will forgive you and we will move on.

As parents, many of us have no problem having this type of faithful love for our children. But why not our spouses? I know what my flesh says. Because he's grown and should know better. And that is true. However, trials only come to make me strong. They come to make me turn my back on my commitments. They come to give me a reason to give up. They come to make a liar out of me and what I stand for.

But, I am committed to my faith. I am committed to God. I am committed to marriage. I am committed to my children. I am committed to my best life. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God

Love is satisfied in God. This means that if I have nothing but God, I am satisfied. If my husband were to perish, I am satisfied in God. If my Kendall Rose were to go away, I am satisfied in God. If I am laid off from my job and can't find work, I am satisfied in God. If I am sick in my body and can't get well, I am satisfied in God. If my mother is called home to be with the Lord, I am satisfied in God.

I don't love God because of what he does, I love Him because of who he is. Because he first loves me. This is my prayer.

I also want to share the other side of this. If I live in a mansion, I am satisfied with God. If I am driving a Bentley, I am satisfied in God. If I am blessed with 3 healthy children, I am satisfied in God. If I am a General Manager at P&G, I am satisfied in God. If I am healthy and my parents live beyond 100 years old, I am still satisfied in God.

Even as God is blessing me, I will remember that God is my joy. God is the reason for all of the blessings I have. My push is to stay in God's word, regardless of the situation. I don't want God to have to send bad situations my way for me to stay focused on Him. I want God to get the glory for everything good thing that happens to me.

I desire to be satisfied in God. That way, I am not caught up in the situations of life. I just rest in the Lord. Why? Because I am satisfied.

Be satisfied.

Day 20 - Love is Jesus Christ!

Kendall in her 4th of July gear

Mommy and Kendall celebrating the 4th

Happy Independence Day! Today, we celebrate 233 years of our country's freedom from British rule. God's greatest desire for us is to be free. In the bible, there are over 180 scriptures that talk about freedom from physical, mental, and spiritual opression. The verse that was on my heart today is John 8:31-32:

31To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

This day, our dare is all about getting to know Him. Its about getting into His word, so he can speak to us and investing in prayer, that we may talk with him. I encourage you this day, in honor of our spiritual independence, to celebrate by forming a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. My focus will be on freedom. I want to be free from the disappointments of the past, the shame of my mistakes, and the fear of failure.

Here's to a wonderful 4th and total freedom!

Day 19 - Love is impossible

Love is truly impossible. Its bigger than each of us. That's because its a gift from God.

--I don't find it hard to love William. God makes it easy.

--My eyes don't wander because God allows me to stay focused on William.

--I get up in the middle of the night to feed Kendall not because I want to. God has given me a desire in my heart to care for her.

I love and strive to love more because God first loved me. He favors me. He adores me. When I treat others like God treats me, I show him how much I love him. God makes love possible. The dares have all been possible, because of God. I thank Him for loving me the way he does. I thank Him for blessing me with a wonderful spouse. I want to love William unconditionally to show God how grateful I am for His love.

Be blessed!

Day 18 - Love seeks to understand

Today's dare will be delayed by a week...I will plan a nice dinner with William next Thursday to celebrate his return from Haiti. I can't wait to find out how his trip has shaped his vision for the future...and how his past experiences prepared him for the journey he just completed.

I will share my experiences from the past two weeks and my learning from our time apart. I can't wait to tell him how much of a difference he makes. He commands a peace in our home that transcends thousands of miles - even in his absence, his presence is still felt. Kendall and I did a lot of traveling during William's first week away. While she did well, she slept like a baby, literally, as soon as she came home. She has been smiling non-stop. My mom has been here all week and there hasn't been any drama - WHY? Because my husband has created a safe place for us. He has prayed over our home. He has set things in order. Despite his absence, the grass continues to get cut, the trash is being taken out, we have overflow in the bank account. He has set things in order and I appreciate and love him for that. The SPIRIT OF GOD is truly in this place. So I am eager to tell my husband that I am committed to investing more time thanking him...appreciating him...loving him...praying for him...loving him.

Be blessed!

Day 17 - Love promotes intimacy

Kendall with her Uncle 'D' in Detroit

As stated in the book, marriage allows us to get to know another human being at a level that we often only know ourselves. This makes sense since marriage makes us one flesh. Maintaining the confidentiality of what's shared in the marital realm is an awesome responsibility. However, when we think of it as keeping our own secret, suddenly it becomes much more easy to do.

William has shared some of his biggest fears, failures, and disappointments with me. In the past, I have listened with an ear to psycho-analyze him, thinking I can figure out what makes him tick and build a plan on how I can 'fix' him. Reading today's dare helped me to realize that it's not my job to fix him, but rather to love him and pray for him. I don't have to help him overcome his fears or tell him that he shouldn't be disappointed by the situations that life presents. My job is to love him. Because I love him, I pray that the Lord intercede and give him the strength he needs to overcome his fears, learn from his failures and guard his heart from disappointments.

Ahh...what a relief that I don't have to do everything. Simply cast my cares upon the Lord because he cares for me. Be blessed.

Day 16 - Love Intercedes

Our Kendall Rose in the Heavenly Bed in Toronto, CANADA

For today's dare, I realized how little I pray for the things that matter for me with respect to my husband. Sure, I pray for his safety and for his family. But my prayer life is inconsistent when it comes for praying for his future...our future.

So, going forward, I am committed to praying for:

1. His ministry: I am asking the Lord to make his desired work in the ministry clear to him. I am also asking that the Lord open the necessary doors where William can fully operate in his calling. Finally, I am asking that he equip me to be a help meet to him in this endeavor.

2. His business: I ask that the Lord plant a lofty vision in his heart for his business. I pray that the Lord give him both the boldness and the endurance to fully realize the vision for his business that is in his heart.

3. His family: As the head of our household, I am asking that the Lord lead him in creating a blue print for our family. I am asking that the Lord plant in him a vision of our home, the number of children we will have, the key tenets that we will teach them, and how we will continue to grow our marriage.

Please join me in interceding for my spouse as you intercede and ask the Lord to bless your spouse and your marriage.

Be Blessed!

Day 14 - Love takes delight

I can hardly believe its been 2 weeks already...WOW! I have loved taking on the daily dares as a means to keep my relationship with William front and center. This 'movement' is catching on. Last night, my mom and her significant other (who is also her ex-husband) agreed to take on the Love Dare. I am in awe of what God is doing in my marriage and others relationships through this journey.

Today's dare was a bit harder to do with William away. However, my commitment was to do something that William would enjoy. So, I made it a point to take a camera with me everywhere I went, which is what William does. So, I will simply share 3 pictures from today:

1. Today was Men's day at my mom's church, so the men stepped to 'Its not about us' by Noel Jones

2. My youth choir director's husband has been battling cancer for the last year and is doing much better. My mom's pastor recognized him for being an inspiration to her.

3. My mom, Kendall, and I traveled to Toronto today. It was Kendall's first trip outside of the US. When we arrived at the hotel, they gave her a Westin Kids Club bag. I took a pic of her in her new hat.

Enjoy and be blessed!

Day 13 - Love Fights Fair

Marchoe in Detroit celebrating good chinese food from Stanley's

Here are our rules of engagement that William and I live by - even though we have never written them down:

1. No matter how angry we are - we don't mention divorce

2. Conflict occurs between us - we don't talk to family and friends about our problems

3. We don't argue. We can discuss things when we are both calm enough to have a conversation and agree to do something different.

4. We will never touch one another in an effort to harm the other person.

I must tell you that William is responsible for most of these rules. He has a huge aversion to conflict. He is the one that is most likely to apologize so that we can move on. This drives me nuts sometimes. I want to have the full discussion, but its hard to do so when the other person apologizes and moves on.

As far as my personal engagement principles -here they are:

1. I will openly share my feelings in a calm manner.

2. I will focus on what do we need to do differently going forward, versus re-hashing the past offense.

3. I will take responsibility for my wrongdoings and openly apologize.

Be Blessed!

Day 12 - Love Lets the Other Win

My mom and Kendall Rose

Pride is a terrible thing. It causes me to become entrenched in a point of view that I don't really care about, all for the sake of being right.
As I took on today's dare, I honestly felt dumb. I was allowing the following issues to keep me from being in right alignment with my hubby:
1. When I am saying grace with our daughter Kendall, is it God is good, God is great and we thank him for our food? OR is it God is great, God is good, and we thank him for our food?
2. Does spraying Pam on the George Foreman really make a difference? I say no, William says yes.
OK...William wins. Its God is great, God is good and I will spray Pam on the grill from here on out. The enemy wants us to focus on stupid things like this to keep us from having the wonderful relationship God has ordained for us. Not in my house. Not over a prayer or a couple of squirts of oil. Thank you Lord for freeing our relationship from silly arguments.

Day 11 - Love Cherishes

Cherish to me means to hold something in the highest regard. You would literally lose breath in your lungs if this thing were to go away. I would definitely feel that way with William in Haiti if it weren't for Kendall. She reminds me of him so much. Her disposition, her smile, her laugh, her joy for life come from him. I see the God in Him through her. She is amazing.

Today I came home from work and Kendall woke up about 10 minutes after my arrival. My mom commented about her being warm. I didn't think much of it - she had just gotten up, so I thought maybe it was too hot in her room. After all, it's 91 degrees outside. I began feeding her and noticed that she was very hot and was becoming increasingly irritable. She has two little nubs sticking up where her teeth are trying to come in, so I proceeded to put some Orajel on her gums. She was still cranky. I decided to give her Tylenol to lower the fever. She wouldn't swallow it. I went from being calm to becoming increasingly concerned. I took her temp - 103! OK...I'm calling the doctor. I call and have to wait for a physician to return my call. I begin to pray, asking God to take away her fever. I repeat his promises about the power that he has given us. I remind him that my husband, though not here, has prayed for our covering in his absence. I feel her legs and she feels substantially cooler. I rejoice because I know God heard my prayer. Halleluijiah! I took the pic above after her fever broke. When I put her to bed, it was down to 100. In the AM, I expect it to be 98. Won't you believe with me?

So I cherish her because she is wonderful. I also cherish her because she is the very best of William and me. I cherish William because without him, there is no Kendall. So for the dare today, I am calling my in-laws to check on them. William talks to his parents almost daily, so since he can't call them from Haiti, I will call them from Cinci. I pray that you are cherishing the one you love today.

Be blessed!

Day 10 - Love is Unconditional

Ahh...Agape love. 'Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate me from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus or Lord.

Miss you baby!!

Here's my personal statement...'Neither death, nor life, nor mama & daddy, nor my job, nor my children, nor my hobbies, nor my friends, nor my to do list, nor my aspirations, nor my dreams, will be able to separate me from loving my William.'

William has consistently approached our relationship as a life time commitment. For me, that was more challenging, since there hasn't been a ton of things I have committed myself to for a lifetime. Yet, everyday, I am learning that for me to commit myself to an eternal relationship with God, I must demonstrate that commitment through my relationships with my family and friends. God says, how can you say you love me whom you have never seen, but hate your brother whom you see daily?

So to complete today's dare, I have chosen to take a picture each day while my husband is away. I actually love taking pictures, but haven't done so alot since I met William. I am learning something about myself through this sharing. The reason that I haven't taken a lot of pics is because 1)William is a professional - my pics will not be as good as his. 2) He openly critiques my pics in an effort to strengthen my work - I am not open to his critique - I just want to point and shoot. That said, I just don't take pictures. However, he would love to have me capture what's going on in his absence, so that's my commitment. Expect to see at least one image a day posted to here for the next 2 weeks.

Be blessed!

Day 9 - Love makes good impressions

Today's challenge was very appropriate, as my husband left for a Missions trip to Haiti. He will be away for 14 days. I made it a point to make sure he knew and everyone else at the airport knew that I was going to miss my man --sort of. I put it off on Kendall a bit. Here's how it went down.

When we arrived at the airport, I got out and kissed him goodbye. He was appreciative of us taking him to Dayton and we embraced and parted ways. As I got ready to pack Kendall into the car, I told him that we would stay until the group made it through security. I went to park the car in short term parking and returned to the airport check in area. Once check in was completed, the group began making their way to the security checkpoint. Again we said goodbye and embraced for what was to be the last time for 2 weeks. The group made their way to the security checkpoint. I said my goodbyes to other members of our church family who were also seeing loved ones off. Then I took off in a jog through the airport to the security checkpoint, with Kendall in the stroller. I said, 'Kendall wanted to say one more goodbye to her dad.' I know - why did I blame it on the kid? Kendall's godmother said, you just wanted to say one more goodbye to your man. I said, 'you're right.'

Why is it so hard for me to be affectionate toward the absolute love of my life? Clearly, I was too prideful to say, 'Honey, I am so proud of you and will miss you terribly.' Why? I have to get over myself and unashamed about being in love with my husband. After all, he is amazing and truly the best. I need to ensure I make a good and consistent impression.

Be blessed!

Day 8 - Love is not jealous

I definitely learned a couple of things on today's dare. First -I didn't know there was a good kind of jealousy, like when someone you love turns their back on you. I have always struggled with the notion of our God being a jealous God because that seems like such a human quality to be jealous. But reframed, in terms of a commitment taken for granted vs. envy sheds new life on it for me.

Our Pastor has consistently challenged us during our marriage to use our differences as a source of complimentary strength vs. competition. I don't have to be jealous that William has an easy going style that makes it easy for others to relate to him or his genuine compassion for others. Because he has those as strengths, so do I, since we are ONE. This was evident today while we were shopping to get things for William's trip to Haiti. William didn't want to spend a lot of money on his luggage for Haiti because he felt like he would only use it once. I agreed about not spending a lot of money, but also had to bring the practical realities of 1) you are in a rough and tumble place- not a place for things breaking down on you, 2) you have a heart for Missionary work, so this will likely not be the last time you use it, 3) if you are willing to shop around (ala TJ Maxx), you can get the best of both worlds - inexpensive and good quality. That's what he got.

So, I completed the dare today, burning the paper with all of his negative attributes. I went out to the patio with a lighter and set the paper on fire. I must say, that I have never really played with fire, so burning things was new to me. I began by lighting the corner of the paper with no words, the fire went out quickly. But when I lit the area with the negative attributes, the flame grew to the extent that I had to drop the paper to prevent the flame from burning my hand! Just goes to show our words either written or spoken have the power to destroy, if not handled properly.

Well, I am very proud of my husband's commitment to go to Haiti and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ in word and deed. I am expecting that this will be a life changing event for him AND combined with the Love Dare will take our marriage to a new level. Please pray for their safety and most of all pray that the Lord use them for His perfect will to be done. I want Haiti to forever be changed for the good - witchcraft done away with because of the efforts of the Saints. Let's be bold in our prayers asking God to do miracle upon miracle through them!

Be Blessed!!

Day 7 - Love believes the best

Today is Father's Day - so first Happy Father's Day to all of the Fathers and would-be Fathers. Our Pastor shared an awesome word today that really encouraged my heart about the husband/father's role in leading the family. He said that even if you aren't publicly praised for your good works as a protector and nurterer of your family, the fruits you bear will be celebrated. The father serves as the root and how often do we celebrate the roots of the tree? Yet, on Mother's Day, graduations, baptisms, we are celebrating the fruit of the father's labor. So today, all of those who serve as the root for their family, I celebrate and thank you.

Day 7 of the Love Dare was easy. I wrote a page in my journal of all of the good things about my husband. There were so many good things, that I had to have 2 things on many of the lines to avoid having more than 1 page. The depreciation page was short- maybe 7 or 8 items vs. over 40 on the appreciation page, so I felt good about that. Hopefully, William will too! Father's Dat was a great time to reflect on all of the things I appreciate about him - I'll share a few:
1. William loves God. He is a true worshipper and believer. I don't doubt his commitment to the Lord.
2. William loves me. He doesn't waver in that. He truly wants to be a good husband and easily forgives and moves on.
3. He adores Kendall. She is the most blessed little girl to have William as a dad. He showers her with affection and has the patience of Job with her. Many have commented on what a happy baby she is. She has her dad to thank for that. He truly loves her and its amazing how she is free to thrive because of the atmosphere that he has created for her.

That brings me back to my big reflection for the day. We all thrive in an environment where we know we are loved and supported. Have you ever had a boss who believed in you? You gave him/her your best because they believed you'd deliver excellence. Its the same way in our marriages and in our relationship with God. If we just believed in our spouses, nurtured them, uplifted them consistently, we'd be amazed at how our lives would be revolutionized. If you already do that, great...keep it going. And work to trust God in that same way. God always believes the best in us...even after seeing us mess up so many times. He said that he doesn't even remember our sin. All we need to do is know we have the master of the universe who believes the best in us. Walk in it...anything you want is yours today because of Him.

Be blessed!

Day 6 - Love is not irritable

Where in my life do I need to add margin? This is an interesting question primarily because margin is a new term to me. I am reframing the question to:

• Where do I need to add flexibility?
• Where do I need to add additional room?
• Where in the course of my day are things too tight?

Honestly, my biggest opportunity to add margin is at work. I have fallen into a bad habit of not working at work. My days are filled with back to back meetings and then I come home to catch up on e-mail and complete any 'thinking' work I need to get done. So now, I spend a couple of hours with Kendall each night and then I get back online to work. I need to be more choiceful in terms of what I can and can't do at work. I also need to cut people off when they are taking too much of my time. The book says to balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. That's what I need.

So, here are the actions I am committed to:

1. Creating at least 90 min of work time during my day at work

2. Only doing e-mail during my commute to work

3. Drive and stay late one night per week to ensure I get my work done and not working at home.

4. Only work at home 1 night per week

Just making this commitment makes me feel so much better. I felt the stress level drop already. I thank God for this Love Dare. I am convinced I am going to be so much better as a wife and partner to William. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

Day 5 - Love is not rude

Did you notice a shift in today's dare?

Instead of challenging you to do something that pleases your partner, today is all about having the tough conversations. What are three things that your partner does that you consider rude?

Honestly, as I read the dare, I thought, my husband is a saint...he doesn't exhibit any rude behaviors. However, since I am being honest here, I have a tendency to ignore some things for the sake of keeping the peace. I don't want to acknowledge behaviors in others that don't work for me because then I would have to confront and deal with them. I admit it - its one of my character flaws.

So, the behaviors that I chose to call out to my spouse are:
1. I think it's rude that William falls asleep on the sofa most nights. I understand that he is a night person, but I think its rude to stay downstairs until 2AM, then make your trek up the stairs for bed.

2. I think its rude that he doesn't keep the cars clean. OK...maybe that's less rude and more of a pet peeve. However, I am a big fan of riding in a clean car. On most trips out to the mall, to visit a friend, etc. we take my car because most of the time, he has clutter everywhere in his car.

3. OK..maybe 2&3 are tied together...I think its rude that he maintains so much clutter. He typically has little objection to me throwing things away (e.g. magazines, receipts, etc). Yet, I would love if he had a mindset to purge on a regular basis. Again - this is likely less rude and more of a preference thing.

Now - if you can dish it, you have got to be able to take it. Here are the things that I would guess (William is at a shut in at church tonight) he would say about me and my rudeness.

1. I have, on occasion, been rude to him in front of others. For example, I am ready to leave from somewhere, and I will say, William, come on already. I have definitely gotten better at hiding my frustration, but haven't completely made it to the mountain top on that one.

2. I leave my shoes downstairs near the door and my clothes are all over the chaise in our room. While I typically gather my things together on the weekend, I am confident that he would prefer that I keep up with it on a daily basis vs. waiting until the weekend.

3. Not answering the phone. Most of the time, I am not a huge fan of the phone. So, my mom, his mom, my friends, etc. will call and I won't answer it. I also don't click over when he or others call and I am on the other line. He thinks this is so rude. I tend to agree sometimes. However, I think it's also me choosing when I am ready to engage with others. Just because you call doesn't mean that I am in a place to engage. His preference, however, would be for me to just answer and say, I'll call you back.

What's my reaction after all of this? WOW - feedback is a gift, but its a tough pill to swallow sometimes. However, its nice to know where I can improve. Of the three called out, I am willing to actively take on at least 2. I am definitely working on how I talk to him and picking up my shoes/clothes on a daily basis. I am going to pray about the phone :-).

What did you learn from your spouse. Please comment...Blessings!

Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful

Today's dare was to call your spouse during the course of the day and ask if there is anything that I can do...simply be thoughtful.

Since William is home with Kendall during the day, most days, I make a habit of calling. Before Kendall came along, I can honestly say that wasn't the case. So when I phoned today, it was hard to get beyond our normal discussion on how she was doing and get down to how he was doing. In fact, Kendall had her first swimming lesson today, so he wanted to share how that went and how proud he was of his little girl. So, while I fulfilled the dare, I can't say that it had its desired impact.

However, I have opportunities to be thoughtful outside of just calling. For example, with Father's Day only a few days away, there is a real opportunity to demonstrate my thoughtfulness. Also, William leaves on a trip to Haiti in 5 days, so I want him to know that while he is there and when he gets back, he is on the top of my thought 'list.' While I would normally share what I am planning for him for Father's Day and during his time away, at the expense of giving the surprise away when he reads this - I'll share my plan AFTER its in market :-).

I pray that God blessed you to demonstrate your thoughtfulness towards your spouse in an extremely creative, loving and satisfying way. HIS blessings to you!

Day 3 - Love is unselfish

Its so easy in our society to be all about me. I can remember messages many of my role models growing up affirming the importance of being able to take care of myself. 'Don't depend on anyone, but yourself - people will always let you down.'

That is a disastrous attitude to have in a marriage...I'd venture to say even as a single person. We are all dependent on one another...'no man is an island.'

Well that's where I started nearly three years ago when Will and I got married...I wanted to be self sufficient. I could do it on my own. Truth be told...I probably could, but that's a lonely place to be. The joy in achieving success, having nice things.growing in wisdom and maturity, is having others along for the journey. But just like many of us experience at work with our managers, if you don't involve others in the journey, their buy in and enthusiasm about your success is minimized. So, I had to learn to be unselfish. I now develop goals with my husband. Sure, everything that he wants to accomplish for the year isn't top on my list, but its on our list because its important to him. For instance, I don't like going to Kings Island except for the once a year when the company provides free tickets. However, William LOVES roller coasters. One of his goals that made our list was getting a Kings Island season pass. Love is unselfish and I am unselfish because I love William.

There is a song by Bishop Noel Jones that says titled, It's not about us, its about Jesus. My favorite verse in the song says: It's not about fortune, its not about fame, it's not about titles, you don't even have to know my name. I am an instrument of praise, no I'm not ashamed, I'll praise him all my days. Another reason to not be selfish - it's not about me anyway. Its about him getting the glory.

Be Blessed!

Day 2 - Love is Kind

Where is everyone? Several folks expressed interest in joining us on the Love Dare... Well - fortunately - I am committed to doing what I know the Lord is leading me to do.

Love is kind...It's doing things that you know will delight the other person. How many of us LOVE to be delighted...LOVE when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you? Of course we do! Its a sign that the other person loves us :-).

As I reflect on my relationship with William, I want to go out of my way to delight him more. Yesterday, he brought me a rose home just because. Every time I look at it, I just smile. It wasn't our anniversary or a made up holiday (e.g. Sweetest Day). He did it just to be kind. It made me want to do things that make him smile, like commenting on how he did such a great job selecting clothes from the Goodwill for his Missions trip to Haiti. It doesn't have to be something we buy - just a sincere gift from the heart - with no strings attached.

I hope you are enjoying the first few days of the Love Dare. I pray that you are getting as much out of it as we are so far...

Be BLESSED!

Day 1 - Love is Patient

Here's to Day 1 of the Love Dare.

My husband William is by far the most patient person I know. It takes a lot to get him bent out of shape. Those who know me, know that this is not my strong suit - but honestly, this was not a hard dare. It is very difficult for me to blow my fuse with him, since he remains under control all the time. It becomes very obvious who has a good level of self control and who doesn't...I don't want to be the one without any control.

So today - what was my big aha! Honestly, it feels like everywhere I turn recently (church, watching TV, reading a book) I keep running into the same lesson...Love is a choice, not a feeling. For me to display love, requires my intentional action - it is not something that will just happen. When Will and I first began dating, I wanted to be around him ALL the time. I wanted to talk with him, laugh with him, eat dinner with him, etc. Same thing when I get a new outfit or a new car - I want to wear it, drive it all the time...then the newness wears off.

Fortunately, with my relationship with William - it will never go out of style or get old. But I still have to work at getting to know him...I have to go out of my way to show him I love him just like I did when we first met. That's my commitment...do the little things.

Julia's Cafe, a small soul food restaurant serves Liver & Onions on Wednesdays. Last Wednesday, I stopped there on the way home and picked up carryout for William. He was ecstatic! I think he told me 4 times that evening how much that meant to him...a few days later, he was still talking about it. It wasn't a big deal to me - but made him so happy. That's what love is about...the little things.

I hope you had a wonderful start to the love dare. Be blessed.

Here is a picture of William and Betty Ann Northern with their first grandchild and our daughter, Kendall Rose. Happy 40th Anniversary Mom and Dad Northern!!

2 days til the start of the Love Dare

What an awesome time to begin our journey to improve our relationships with our spouses. I have been blessed to witness a relationship that is lived all out between William's parents.

Betty Ann and William Sr. will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary tomorrow. TRULY AMAZING! Seven children later, they are still in love. It's encouraging to know that if you trust God and invest in your marriage, you too can be as happy as they are together.

William's dad is the Pastor or Mt. Zion Temple Church of God In Christ in Brownsville, TN. For their pastor's anniversary last December, William's cousin, Tina and her husband, Earl, blessed them with an all expenses paid cruise to Alaska. They took the trip last week and my mother in law was telling me what a wonderful time they had.

She said 'I'd never would have thought I would go on a cruise, given how afraid of water I am. When Tina started talking about the trip, I said, there is no way I'm going. But as my husband kept talking about it, I began to warm up to the idea. I prayed about it and a calm came over me and I said, Well, if my husband is going, then I'll go.'

What an awesome testimony! She heard her husband's desire, prayed about it, and got in alignment with his vision. That is certainly a lesson I could learn more about. I think about the simple things...going to bible study on Wednesday. William has committed himself to going every week and being on time. It seems like I am content to just make it there...at whatever time I show up. Yet, he has expressed his desire. I need to pray about it...wait for the peace of God to take over the situation and then get in alignment to his vision. May be in this case, I just need to get in alignment with his vision :-).

Two more days until 6/15 and the start of the Love Dare...can't wait to join you. Be blessed.

3 days til we begin the Love Dare

Just sent out the confirmation e-mail to all who agreed to take on the Love Dare. I am so excited about what we will all get out of this. As I think about my life's mission - this is squarely what I am about - learning, growing, stretching, and sharing. I hope that all of you get as much out of this journey as I am planning to...

What you can expect from me...daily updates from Will and me on what we are learning together during this journey. It should be interesting, given Will is going on a Missions trip right in the middle of this...but he has promised to keep us up to speed on how he's doing on the trip and with the love dare.

Be blessed!

Welcome to the Love Dare

Thank you all for agreeing to take the LOVE DARE! I am excited to be on this journey with all of you as we look to strengthen our most important earthly relationship - the one with our spouse!

We will all begin the Love Dare on June 15, 2009 - so please get your book in the next week and get ready.

I will post my learnings from this adventure via this blog. Please feel free to share any learning you have with me and I will be sure and add it to the blog, so others may benefit from your experiences.

This is going to be great and life changing - I am convinced and excited!