Day 16 - Love Intercedes

Our Kendall Rose in the Heavenly Bed in Toronto, CANADA

For today's dare, I realized how little I pray for the things that matter for me with respect to my husband. Sure, I pray for his safety and for his family. But my prayer life is inconsistent when it comes for praying for his future...our future.

So, going forward, I am committed to praying for:

1. His ministry: I am asking the Lord to make his desired work in the ministry clear to him. I am also asking that the Lord open the necessary doors where William can fully operate in his calling. Finally, I am asking that he equip me to be a help meet to him in this endeavor.

2. His business: I ask that the Lord plant a lofty vision in his heart for his business. I pray that the Lord give him both the boldness and the endurance to fully realize the vision for his business that is in his heart.

3. His family: As the head of our household, I am asking that the Lord lead him in creating a blue print for our family. I am asking that the Lord plant in him a vision of our home, the number of children we will have, the key tenets that we will teach them, and how we will continue to grow our marriage.

Please join me in interceding for my spouse as you intercede and ask the Lord to bless your spouse and your marriage.

Be Blessed!

Day 14 - Love takes delight

I can hardly believe its been 2 weeks already...WOW! I have loved taking on the daily dares as a means to keep my relationship with William front and center. This 'movement' is catching on. Last night, my mom and her significant other (who is also her ex-husband) agreed to take on the Love Dare. I am in awe of what God is doing in my marriage and others relationships through this journey.

Today's dare was a bit harder to do with William away. However, my commitment was to do something that William would enjoy. So, I made it a point to take a camera with me everywhere I went, which is what William does. So, I will simply share 3 pictures from today:

1. Today was Men's day at my mom's church, so the men stepped to 'Its not about us' by Noel Jones

2. My youth choir director's husband has been battling cancer for the last year and is doing much better. My mom's pastor recognized him for being an inspiration to her.

3. My mom, Kendall, and I traveled to Toronto today. It was Kendall's first trip outside of the US. When we arrived at the hotel, they gave her a Westin Kids Club bag. I took a pic of her in her new hat.

Enjoy and be blessed!

Day 13 - Love Fights Fair

Marchoe in Detroit celebrating good chinese food from Stanley's

Here are our rules of engagement that William and I live by - even though we have never written them down:

1. No matter how angry we are - we don't mention divorce

2. Conflict occurs between us - we don't talk to family and friends about our problems

3. We don't argue. We can discuss things when we are both calm enough to have a conversation and agree to do something different.

4. We will never touch one another in an effort to harm the other person.

I must tell you that William is responsible for most of these rules. He has a huge aversion to conflict. He is the one that is most likely to apologize so that we can move on. This drives me nuts sometimes. I want to have the full discussion, but its hard to do so when the other person apologizes and moves on.

As far as my personal engagement principles -here they are:

1. I will openly share my feelings in a calm manner.

2. I will focus on what do we need to do differently going forward, versus re-hashing the past offense.

3. I will take responsibility for my wrongdoings and openly apologize.

Be Blessed!

Day 12 - Love Lets the Other Win

My mom and Kendall Rose

Pride is a terrible thing. It causes me to become entrenched in a point of view that I don't really care about, all for the sake of being right.
As I took on today's dare, I honestly felt dumb. I was allowing the following issues to keep me from being in right alignment with my hubby:
1. When I am saying grace with our daughter Kendall, is it God is good, God is great and we thank him for our food? OR is it God is great, God is good, and we thank him for our food?
2. Does spraying Pam on the George Foreman really make a difference? I say no, William says yes.
OK...William wins. Its God is great, God is good and I will spray Pam on the grill from here on out. The enemy wants us to focus on stupid things like this to keep us from having the wonderful relationship God has ordained for us. Not in my house. Not over a prayer or a couple of squirts of oil. Thank you Lord for freeing our relationship from silly arguments.

Day 11 - Love Cherishes

Cherish to me means to hold something in the highest regard. You would literally lose breath in your lungs if this thing were to go away. I would definitely feel that way with William in Haiti if it weren't for Kendall. She reminds me of him so much. Her disposition, her smile, her laugh, her joy for life come from him. I see the God in Him through her. She is amazing.

Today I came home from work and Kendall woke up about 10 minutes after my arrival. My mom commented about her being warm. I didn't think much of it - she had just gotten up, so I thought maybe it was too hot in her room. After all, it's 91 degrees outside. I began feeding her and noticed that she was very hot and was becoming increasingly irritable. She has two little nubs sticking up where her teeth are trying to come in, so I proceeded to put some Orajel on her gums. She was still cranky. I decided to give her Tylenol to lower the fever. She wouldn't swallow it. I went from being calm to becoming increasingly concerned. I took her temp - 103! OK...I'm calling the doctor. I call and have to wait for a physician to return my call. I begin to pray, asking God to take away her fever. I repeat his promises about the power that he has given us. I remind him that my husband, though not here, has prayed for our covering in his absence. I feel her legs and she feels substantially cooler. I rejoice because I know God heard my prayer. Halleluijiah! I took the pic above after her fever broke. When I put her to bed, it was down to 100. In the AM, I expect it to be 98. Won't you believe with me?

So I cherish her because she is wonderful. I also cherish her because she is the very best of William and me. I cherish William because without him, there is no Kendall. So for the dare today, I am calling my in-laws to check on them. William talks to his parents almost daily, so since he can't call them from Haiti, I will call them from Cinci. I pray that you are cherishing the one you love today.

Be blessed!

Day 10 - Love is Unconditional

Ahh...Agape love. 'Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate me from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus or Lord.

Miss you baby!!

Here's my personal statement...'Neither death, nor life, nor mama & daddy, nor my job, nor my children, nor my hobbies, nor my friends, nor my to do list, nor my aspirations, nor my dreams, will be able to separate me from loving my William.'

William has consistently approached our relationship as a life time commitment. For me, that was more challenging, since there hasn't been a ton of things I have committed myself to for a lifetime. Yet, everyday, I am learning that for me to commit myself to an eternal relationship with God, I must demonstrate that commitment through my relationships with my family and friends. God says, how can you say you love me whom you have never seen, but hate your brother whom you see daily?

So to complete today's dare, I have chosen to take a picture each day while my husband is away. I actually love taking pictures, but haven't done so alot since I met William. I am learning something about myself through this sharing. The reason that I haven't taken a lot of pics is because 1)William is a professional - my pics will not be as good as his. 2) He openly critiques my pics in an effort to strengthen my work - I am not open to his critique - I just want to point and shoot. That said, I just don't take pictures. However, he would love to have me capture what's going on in his absence, so that's my commitment. Expect to see at least one image a day posted to here for the next 2 weeks.

Be blessed!

Day 9 - Love makes good impressions

Today's challenge was very appropriate, as my husband left for a Missions trip to Haiti. He will be away for 14 days. I made it a point to make sure he knew and everyone else at the airport knew that I was going to miss my man --sort of. I put it off on Kendall a bit. Here's how it went down.

When we arrived at the airport, I got out and kissed him goodbye. He was appreciative of us taking him to Dayton and we embraced and parted ways. As I got ready to pack Kendall into the car, I told him that we would stay until the group made it through security. I went to park the car in short term parking and returned to the airport check in area. Once check in was completed, the group began making their way to the security checkpoint. Again we said goodbye and embraced for what was to be the last time for 2 weeks. The group made their way to the security checkpoint. I said my goodbyes to other members of our church family who were also seeing loved ones off. Then I took off in a jog through the airport to the security checkpoint, with Kendall in the stroller. I said, 'Kendall wanted to say one more goodbye to her dad.' I know - why did I blame it on the kid? Kendall's godmother said, you just wanted to say one more goodbye to your man. I said, 'you're right.'

Why is it so hard for me to be affectionate toward the absolute love of my life? Clearly, I was too prideful to say, 'Honey, I am so proud of you and will miss you terribly.' Why? I have to get over myself and unashamed about being in love with my husband. After all, he is amazing and truly the best. I need to ensure I make a good and consistent impression.

Be blessed!

Day 8 - Love is not jealous

I definitely learned a couple of things on today's dare. First -I didn't know there was a good kind of jealousy, like when someone you love turns their back on you. I have always struggled with the notion of our God being a jealous God because that seems like such a human quality to be jealous. But reframed, in terms of a commitment taken for granted vs. envy sheds new life on it for me.

Our Pastor has consistently challenged us during our marriage to use our differences as a source of complimentary strength vs. competition. I don't have to be jealous that William has an easy going style that makes it easy for others to relate to him or his genuine compassion for others. Because he has those as strengths, so do I, since we are ONE. This was evident today while we were shopping to get things for William's trip to Haiti. William didn't want to spend a lot of money on his luggage for Haiti because he felt like he would only use it once. I agreed about not spending a lot of money, but also had to bring the practical realities of 1) you are in a rough and tumble place- not a place for things breaking down on you, 2) you have a heart for Missionary work, so this will likely not be the last time you use it, 3) if you are willing to shop around (ala TJ Maxx), you can get the best of both worlds - inexpensive and good quality. That's what he got.

So, I completed the dare today, burning the paper with all of his negative attributes. I went out to the patio with a lighter and set the paper on fire. I must say, that I have never really played with fire, so burning things was new to me. I began by lighting the corner of the paper with no words, the fire went out quickly. But when I lit the area with the negative attributes, the flame grew to the extent that I had to drop the paper to prevent the flame from burning my hand! Just goes to show our words either written or spoken have the power to destroy, if not handled properly.

Well, I am very proud of my husband's commitment to go to Haiti and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ in word and deed. I am expecting that this will be a life changing event for him AND combined with the Love Dare will take our marriage to a new level. Please pray for their safety and most of all pray that the Lord use them for His perfect will to be done. I want Haiti to forever be changed for the good - witchcraft done away with because of the efforts of the Saints. Let's be bold in our prayers asking God to do miracle upon miracle through them!

Be Blessed!!

Day 7 - Love believes the best

Today is Father's Day - so first Happy Father's Day to all of the Fathers and would-be Fathers. Our Pastor shared an awesome word today that really encouraged my heart about the husband/father's role in leading the family. He said that even if you aren't publicly praised for your good works as a protector and nurterer of your family, the fruits you bear will be celebrated. The father serves as the root and how often do we celebrate the roots of the tree? Yet, on Mother's Day, graduations, baptisms, we are celebrating the fruit of the father's labor. So today, all of those who serve as the root for their family, I celebrate and thank you.

Day 7 of the Love Dare was easy. I wrote a page in my journal of all of the good things about my husband. There were so many good things, that I had to have 2 things on many of the lines to avoid having more than 1 page. The depreciation page was short- maybe 7 or 8 items vs. over 40 on the appreciation page, so I felt good about that. Hopefully, William will too! Father's Dat was a great time to reflect on all of the things I appreciate about him - I'll share a few:
1. William loves God. He is a true worshipper and believer. I don't doubt his commitment to the Lord.
2. William loves me. He doesn't waver in that. He truly wants to be a good husband and easily forgives and moves on.
3. He adores Kendall. She is the most blessed little girl to have William as a dad. He showers her with affection and has the patience of Job with her. Many have commented on what a happy baby she is. She has her dad to thank for that. He truly loves her and its amazing how she is free to thrive because of the atmosphere that he has created for her.

That brings me back to my big reflection for the day. We all thrive in an environment where we know we are loved and supported. Have you ever had a boss who believed in you? You gave him/her your best because they believed you'd deliver excellence. Its the same way in our marriages and in our relationship with God. If we just believed in our spouses, nurtured them, uplifted them consistently, we'd be amazed at how our lives would be revolutionized. If you already do that, great...keep it going. And work to trust God in that same way. God always believes the best in us...even after seeing us mess up so many times. He said that he doesn't even remember our sin. All we need to do is know we have the master of the universe who believes the best in us. Walk in it...anything you want is yours today because of Him.

Be blessed!

Day 6 - Love is not irritable

Where in my life do I need to add margin? This is an interesting question primarily because margin is a new term to me. I am reframing the question to:

• Where do I need to add flexibility?
• Where do I need to add additional room?
• Where in the course of my day are things too tight?

Honestly, my biggest opportunity to add margin is at work. I have fallen into a bad habit of not working at work. My days are filled with back to back meetings and then I come home to catch up on e-mail and complete any 'thinking' work I need to get done. So now, I spend a couple of hours with Kendall each night and then I get back online to work. I need to be more choiceful in terms of what I can and can't do at work. I also need to cut people off when they are taking too much of my time. The book says to balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. That's what I need.

So, here are the actions I am committed to:

1. Creating at least 90 min of work time during my day at work

2. Only doing e-mail during my commute to work

3. Drive and stay late one night per week to ensure I get my work done and not working at home.

4. Only work at home 1 night per week

Just making this commitment makes me feel so much better. I felt the stress level drop already. I thank God for this Love Dare. I am convinced I am going to be so much better as a wife and partner to William. TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

Day 5 - Love is not rude

Did you notice a shift in today's dare?

Instead of challenging you to do something that pleases your partner, today is all about having the tough conversations. What are three things that your partner does that you consider rude?

Honestly, as I read the dare, I thought, my husband is a saint...he doesn't exhibit any rude behaviors. However, since I am being honest here, I have a tendency to ignore some things for the sake of keeping the peace. I don't want to acknowledge behaviors in others that don't work for me because then I would have to confront and deal with them. I admit it - its one of my character flaws.

So, the behaviors that I chose to call out to my spouse are:
1. I think it's rude that William falls asleep on the sofa most nights. I understand that he is a night person, but I think its rude to stay downstairs until 2AM, then make your trek up the stairs for bed.

2. I think its rude that he doesn't keep the cars clean. OK...maybe that's less rude and more of a pet peeve. However, I am a big fan of riding in a clean car. On most trips out to the mall, to visit a friend, etc. we take my car because most of the time, he has clutter everywhere in his car.

3. OK..maybe 2&3 are tied together...I think its rude that he maintains so much clutter. He typically has little objection to me throwing things away (e.g. magazines, receipts, etc). Yet, I would love if he had a mindset to purge on a regular basis. Again - this is likely less rude and more of a preference thing.

Now - if you can dish it, you have got to be able to take it. Here are the things that I would guess (William is at a shut in at church tonight) he would say about me and my rudeness.

1. I have, on occasion, been rude to him in front of others. For example, I am ready to leave from somewhere, and I will say, William, come on already. I have definitely gotten better at hiding my frustration, but haven't completely made it to the mountain top on that one.

2. I leave my shoes downstairs near the door and my clothes are all over the chaise in our room. While I typically gather my things together on the weekend, I am confident that he would prefer that I keep up with it on a daily basis vs. waiting until the weekend.

3. Not answering the phone. Most of the time, I am not a huge fan of the phone. So, my mom, his mom, my friends, etc. will call and I won't answer it. I also don't click over when he or others call and I am on the other line. He thinks this is so rude. I tend to agree sometimes. However, I think it's also me choosing when I am ready to engage with others. Just because you call doesn't mean that I am in a place to engage. His preference, however, would be for me to just answer and say, I'll call you back.

What's my reaction after all of this? WOW - feedback is a gift, but its a tough pill to swallow sometimes. However, its nice to know where I can improve. Of the three called out, I am willing to actively take on at least 2. I am definitely working on how I talk to him and picking up my shoes/clothes on a daily basis. I am going to pray about the phone :-).

What did you learn from your spouse. Please comment...Blessings!

Day 4 - Love is Thoughtful

Today's dare was to call your spouse during the course of the day and ask if there is anything that I can do...simply be thoughtful.

Since William is home with Kendall during the day, most days, I make a habit of calling. Before Kendall came along, I can honestly say that wasn't the case. So when I phoned today, it was hard to get beyond our normal discussion on how she was doing and get down to how he was doing. In fact, Kendall had her first swimming lesson today, so he wanted to share how that went and how proud he was of his little girl. So, while I fulfilled the dare, I can't say that it had its desired impact.

However, I have opportunities to be thoughtful outside of just calling. For example, with Father's Day only a few days away, there is a real opportunity to demonstrate my thoughtfulness. Also, William leaves on a trip to Haiti in 5 days, so I want him to know that while he is there and when he gets back, he is on the top of my thought 'list.' While I would normally share what I am planning for him for Father's Day and during his time away, at the expense of giving the surprise away when he reads this - I'll share my plan AFTER its in market :-).

I pray that God blessed you to demonstrate your thoughtfulness towards your spouse in an extremely creative, loving and satisfying way. HIS blessings to you!

Day 3 - Love is unselfish

Its so easy in our society to be all about me. I can remember messages many of my role models growing up affirming the importance of being able to take care of myself. 'Don't depend on anyone, but yourself - people will always let you down.'

That is a disastrous attitude to have in a marriage...I'd venture to say even as a single person. We are all dependent on one another...'no man is an island.'

Well that's where I started nearly three years ago when Will and I got married...I wanted to be self sufficient. I could do it on my own. Truth be told...I probably could, but that's a lonely place to be. The joy in achieving success, having nice things.growing in wisdom and maturity, is having others along for the journey. But just like many of us experience at work with our managers, if you don't involve others in the journey, their buy in and enthusiasm about your success is minimized. So, I had to learn to be unselfish. I now develop goals with my husband. Sure, everything that he wants to accomplish for the year isn't top on my list, but its on our list because its important to him. For instance, I don't like going to Kings Island except for the once a year when the company provides free tickets. However, William LOVES roller coasters. One of his goals that made our list was getting a Kings Island season pass. Love is unselfish and I am unselfish because I love William.

There is a song by Bishop Noel Jones that says titled, It's not about us, its about Jesus. My favorite verse in the song says: It's not about fortune, its not about fame, it's not about titles, you don't even have to know my name. I am an instrument of praise, no I'm not ashamed, I'll praise him all my days. Another reason to not be selfish - it's not about me anyway. Its about him getting the glory.

Be Blessed!

Day 2 - Love is Kind

Where is everyone? Several folks expressed interest in joining us on the Love Dare... Well - fortunately - I am committed to doing what I know the Lord is leading me to do.

Love is kind...It's doing things that you know will delight the other person. How many of us LOVE to be delighted...LOVE when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you? Of course we do! Its a sign that the other person loves us :-).

As I reflect on my relationship with William, I want to go out of my way to delight him more. Yesterday, he brought me a rose home just because. Every time I look at it, I just smile. It wasn't our anniversary or a made up holiday (e.g. Sweetest Day). He did it just to be kind. It made me want to do things that make him smile, like commenting on how he did such a great job selecting clothes from the Goodwill for his Missions trip to Haiti. It doesn't have to be something we buy - just a sincere gift from the heart - with no strings attached.

I hope you are enjoying the first few days of the Love Dare. I pray that you are getting as much out of it as we are so far...

Be BLESSED!

Day 1 - Love is Patient

Here's to Day 1 of the Love Dare.

My husband William is by far the most patient person I know. It takes a lot to get him bent out of shape. Those who know me, know that this is not my strong suit - but honestly, this was not a hard dare. It is very difficult for me to blow my fuse with him, since he remains under control all the time. It becomes very obvious who has a good level of self control and who doesn't...I don't want to be the one without any control.

So today - what was my big aha! Honestly, it feels like everywhere I turn recently (church, watching TV, reading a book) I keep running into the same lesson...Love is a choice, not a feeling. For me to display love, requires my intentional action - it is not something that will just happen. When Will and I first began dating, I wanted to be around him ALL the time. I wanted to talk with him, laugh with him, eat dinner with him, etc. Same thing when I get a new outfit or a new car - I want to wear it, drive it all the time...then the newness wears off.

Fortunately, with my relationship with William - it will never go out of style or get old. But I still have to work at getting to know him...I have to go out of my way to show him I love him just like I did when we first met. That's my commitment...do the little things.

Julia's Cafe, a small soul food restaurant serves Liver & Onions on Wednesdays. Last Wednesday, I stopped there on the way home and picked up carryout for William. He was ecstatic! I think he told me 4 times that evening how much that meant to him...a few days later, he was still talking about it. It wasn't a big deal to me - but made him so happy. That's what love is about...the little things.

I hope you had a wonderful start to the love dare. Be blessed.

Here is a picture of William and Betty Ann Northern with their first grandchild and our daughter, Kendall Rose. Happy 40th Anniversary Mom and Dad Northern!!

2 days til the start of the Love Dare

What an awesome time to begin our journey to improve our relationships with our spouses. I have been blessed to witness a relationship that is lived all out between William's parents.

Betty Ann and William Sr. will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary tomorrow. TRULY AMAZING! Seven children later, they are still in love. It's encouraging to know that if you trust God and invest in your marriage, you too can be as happy as they are together.

William's dad is the Pastor or Mt. Zion Temple Church of God In Christ in Brownsville, TN. For their pastor's anniversary last December, William's cousin, Tina and her husband, Earl, blessed them with an all expenses paid cruise to Alaska. They took the trip last week and my mother in law was telling me what a wonderful time they had.

She said 'I'd never would have thought I would go on a cruise, given how afraid of water I am. When Tina started talking about the trip, I said, there is no way I'm going. But as my husband kept talking about it, I began to warm up to the idea. I prayed about it and a calm came over me and I said, Well, if my husband is going, then I'll go.'

What an awesome testimony! She heard her husband's desire, prayed about it, and got in alignment with his vision. That is certainly a lesson I could learn more about. I think about the simple things...going to bible study on Wednesday. William has committed himself to going every week and being on time. It seems like I am content to just make it there...at whatever time I show up. Yet, he has expressed his desire. I need to pray about it...wait for the peace of God to take over the situation and then get in alignment to his vision. May be in this case, I just need to get in alignment with his vision :-).

Two more days until 6/15 and the start of the Love Dare...can't wait to join you. Be blessed.

3 days til we begin the Love Dare

Just sent out the confirmation e-mail to all who agreed to take on the Love Dare. I am so excited about what we will all get out of this. As I think about my life's mission - this is squarely what I am about - learning, growing, stretching, and sharing. I hope that all of you get as much out of this journey as I am planning to...

What you can expect from me...daily updates from Will and me on what we are learning together during this journey. It should be interesting, given Will is going on a Missions trip right in the middle of this...but he has promised to keep us up to speed on how he's doing on the trip and with the love dare.

Be blessed!

Welcome to the Love Dare

Thank you all for agreeing to take the LOVE DARE! I am excited to be on this journey with all of you as we look to strengthen our most important earthly relationship - the one with our spouse!

We will all begin the Love Dare on June 15, 2009 - so please get your book in the next week and get ready.

I will post my learnings from this adventure via this blog. Please feel free to share any learning you have with me and I will be sure and add it to the blog, so others may benefit from your experiences.

This is going to be great and life changing - I am convinced and excited!