Day 40 - Love is a covenant

Ah...the end. We have completed this journey together. Or have we? For me, the Love Dare has truly just begun. I have learned some real world techniques and approaches that will strengthen our marriage because I have been strengthened. I am more in tuned to my thoughts and actions, including how they impact William. I am more convinced that I have to deal with my own behavior to have the relationship I want. So here are my renewed vows:

1. I promise to love William no matter what. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Until death parts us.

2. I promise to nip 'crazy' in the bud. I will not allow foolish things to get in the way of our love. My ego, pride, and other life complications will not cloud my ability to love William and treat him with care and concern.

3. I will cherish William. I pray for and with my husband daily. I am seeking ways to fulfill his dreams. We are one and his happiness is my happiness. His peace is my peace. His joy is my joy.

4. I will think and believe the best for us. My thought life drives this marriage. I speak favor, prosperity and health over my marriage and over our lives.

These vows capture the essence of my learning from the 40 days. I am so blessed to have this blog to remind me of the awesome journey we have been on and what I have learned. I pray that this adventure has been amazing for you also. Please continue the Love Dare with your spouse as I am confident that it will allow each of you to have a more fulfilled marriage.

Be blessed!

Day 39 - Love Endures

My dearest William,

I LOVE YOU ALWAYS - no matter what.

I could go on and on about why this is true but none of that matters.

I just want you to know that my heart chooses you.

My mind chooses you. My soul chooses you. My God has chosen you.

So, when you are feeling loved, I love you. When you are feeling hated, I love you. When we disagree, I love you. When you hurt me, I still love you. When you are sick, I love you. When you are on top of the world, I love you. When you are angry with me, I love you. When you hurt my feelings, I love you.

God placed you and me together and that's it. Nothing else matters. Nothing will change that.

So, I pray you feel safe and secure and energized and passionate and loved in my love.

Because I love you....always...forever.

Marchoe

Day 38 - Love fulfills dreams

What are my husband's dreams? What can I do that would make a real difference for him?

These are questions that I desire to answer and make come true. Right now, my husband would love a new camera. Specifically, he would want a Canon 5D, which costs about $2500. He also would want my help in getting his business off the ground. We have a plan to achieve both of these goals.

I want to make his dreams come true. I want to travel the world with him. I want him to know at all times that he is my top priority, as shown by my words and deeds. I want him to have everything he could ever want. Not because he deserves it. Frankly, none of us do. But, because we serve a God that desires that we seek Him first and He said that all these things will be added to us. I want all of the blessings God has for William to manifest themselves in his life. I want all of the blessings God has for us to come to fruition.

We are in the midst of fulfilling one of our big dreams. We are before God asking Him to make it happen. We will keep you posted as God brings it to the present. Keep seeking Him the more for yourself and for your spouse.

Be blessed.

Day 36 - Love is God's Word

God's word is a wonder. So many times, the word of God has convinced me of which way to move in my life. And it has always worked.

I have to be honest. Tonight, I am feeling God's urging in a part of my life - but it scares me. I can't even say that it's scary as much as its unknown. And its been a while since I have had to step out on the unknown and really trust God. For a good stretch, about 18 months, my life has been pretty straight forward. I ask God for something or rather God plants something in my spirit and I have been open to being used. Now, God is calling me to do something NEW. He is asking me to step out on him and just trust. He is looking to take us to a new place and frankly, we've gotten comfortable in this place.

His word says in Deuteronomy 6:5-12

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

¹⁰ When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, ¹¹ houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, ¹² be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

This is the scripture for this season of my life. I need to:

1. Love the Lord with all of my heart, mind and strength

2. Teach Kendall to do the same

3. Take every occasion to tell others about God

4. When the Lord blesses me, don't forget about Him

The Lord is looking to take us higher and I say, thank you for being so mindful of us. We accept the challenge. I accept it, not because I am afraid of being disobedient, but because I want everything God has for me. I am in a season of prosperity, of health, of joy and of peace. I accept God's blessings for me and my household. In Jesus' name.

Day 37 - Love agrees in prayer

William and I have been inconsistent in having a joint prayer life. However, today's dare is the beginning of our consistency. One of the things that the Love Dare has shown us is that everything on my to do list is on William's to do list and vice versa. He can't be successful without my prayers and I can't be successful without his. Therefore, its important that we touch and agree daily in prayer, putting our petitions before the Lord.

We have agreed that an area of focus for us in the short term is taking William's business to the next level. We have a list of 5 things to do in the next 30 days to work towards that end:
1. Purchase new equipment (camera + lights)
2. Website up and running
3. Begin preparations for a new studio
4. Marketing communications developed and sent
5. Secure consistent daycare for Kendall

An area where I need William's help is in identifying how to bring my ministry vision to life. I have a strong desire to help the body of Christ put the word of God into practice in our lives. The things we will do are:
1. Stay in prayer
2. Meet with others who may have a heart for this ministry
3. Put together an action plan on where to go next

I hope that you have agreed to pray with your spouse. I am so excited for this!

Be blessed!

Day 35 - Love is Accountable

Today's dare is one that I have a lot of heart for.

It's all about getting around the right people to keep your marriage on track. Honestly, William and I have good friends that we hang out with and that help to keep our marriage on track. We lack a mentor, however. We have committed to praying and asking the Lord to reveal who should be our marriage mentors.

We have some good candidates around us. So now, we just need to ask someone to invest in us in that way.

I hope that you have the right folks around you to keep your marriage in tact. Its critical to have the right people speaking the right things over your life.

Day 34 - Love Celebrates Godliness

Will truly walks out his faith everyday, so this was an easy dare.

Today, we saw a member of our church that we hadn't seen in several weeks, in passing, while in the car. We waved and blew our horns as we passed by. Immediately, Will used it as an opportunity to encourage him, by calling him on his cell phone. I know that Will had called him many times before, without ever receiving a call back, but he wasn't discouraged by that. He knew that since he saw him this time, it was a great opportunity to connect and they did.

As they chatted by phone, I thanked God for my husband. If it had been me in that situation, I likely would have waved as we passed by and that would have been it. I would have felt like I had done my part previous to seeing them by calling and leaving messages. But Will was truly focused on the result, not just giving a cursory effort. I thank God for his example to me. I thank God for his hunger and thirst to see the people of God live prosperous lives.

This is only one example. He sent out a text message to our church family yesterday, seeking prayer for our sister that's in the hospital with double pneumonia. He was so touched that so many church members, including the teens, wrote him back committing to pray for Lisa. It's easy for folks to connect with Will, because he truly is committed to Godliness. So today, I celebrate my love for my husband. I celebrate his godliness.

Be blessed!

Day 33 - Love completes each other

The Ecclesiastes scripture for today is inscribed in William's wedding band. We are truly better together than either of us would be on our own.

Today was an awesome day for us, proving this to be true. This morning, on my commute to work I called William and really prayed with him. It was amazing. I had been longing to tell him about some of my spiritual struggles over the recent weeks and he completely heard me, encouraged me, and validated how I was feeling. As I have shared, God is really urging me to lay down negative thinking in my life and really expect only the best. With that as my mantra, its been difficult to listen to 'guilt' messages to urge me to draw nearer to God. I am really seeking a word that is promised base and says here is how you are fulfilling God's plan when you draw near - not draw near or else.

This afternoon, we called a realtor about a house that I believe God wants to bless us with. I was feeling like William was lukewarm on it, but I found out that he is just as excited, just wants to be sure we can sell our current place. I am cool with that - and could encourage him in how we would be successful in that endeavor.

Net - we showed that we truly complete each other. I want to seek him for the things that I am unsure or concerned about. He is the King of my castle, and God has poured a good and living word in him just for me. The same is true on the other side - God is calling me to be William's help mate and has poured the capabilities in me to complete the task. So again, I thank God for the privelege of marriage. I thank him for loving us both enough to send us one another.

Give God Glory for your spouse!

Day 32 - Love meets sexual needs

Kendall sleep in her carseat on the way home from swimming

In our society, we treat love like its something dirty often times or unnecessary. However, God designed it to be a good thing, a point of connection between a husbad and a wife. It was a gift to us and we should have a healthy desire (or appetite) for it.

In our marriage, sex is probably the thing that we are not as open about. Having grown up in the church, I feel that sex is something that we pretend doesn't exist. I personally feel uncomfortable even typing this.

However, if we were talking about Love meets financial needs, or spiritual needs, or communication needs, I could expound on it all day. But sex - even typing the word, makes me feel like I am being too provocative. However, the reality is that sex is great for us - well I can't speak for everyone...its great for me.

I feel closer to my spouse - acheiving God's desire for us to be one. I feel freer - it releases stresses and anxiety. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful mate, who I want to please and who wants to please me. Today's dare was amazing. It's a dare that we have an opportunity to take on daily :-).

Be blessed.

Day 31 - Love and Marriage

Wow - Today's passage made me so grateful and thankful that God chose me to be in such an intimate and important relationship with another person. We should desire to be one in everything we do.

In our marriage, we have truly cleaved to one another, probably more out of necessity than anything. Since we live apart from our families (4 hours by car for me, 6 hours by car for William), our families are not pulling us back. We have formed a very important bond where we truly operate as one more often than we take sides with our families. Early on, I used to focus alot more on my family. I was so concerned about how they were getting by and riddled with guilt in needing to step in and save them. William has really encouraged me to not be an enabler, but rather, be willing to step back and let grown folks be grown. I thank him for that.

As we have a child, I think that has caused us to operate even more as a unit. We have to be on the same page, so we can raise the disciple of Christ that we desire to. Be blessed!!

Day 30 - Love brings unity

One area of our marriage where there is division is in William's business. I talk about it as being separate from me. I operate like it's separate from me. It's his thing.

What if I treated the business like it was ours? What if I operated like we couldn't survive without it being successful? What if it were my business?

Here are some choices I'd make:

1. I would have a website yesterday.

2. I would place Kendall in daycare at least 2 days a week to allow time to work on my business.

3. I'd commit to a plan of action daily to attract others to my business.

So why is this an area of division? Frankly, because its hard. I don't want the stigma of having a business that's not successful. Business requires clear investment choices...we would have to dig in and spend our savings differently, operate our home differently, be different in our weekend activities. We'd have to be committed to the business. It would have to move beyond a lucrative hobby.

My prayer...Lord, help us to choose to invest in the success of our business. Change my thinking, my language, my attitude about our business. Help me to trust you more, knowing that you can meet all of our needs and desires through our business. I pray that you would give us a plan of attack, that William leads and I fully help to enable. This is my prayer....

Day 29 - Love's motivation

God is my love motivation.

I want to please God so much that I have to love my husband...no matter what. I know that if I do God's will, all things will work together for good. I know that HE will fight my battles. I know that He will prosper me and keep me in health, even as my soul prospers. I know that He will go before me. He will be my rock, my fortress, my strong tower, my very present help in times of struggle. I know that He will favor me.

I also know that my husband will be blessed. I know that my children will be favored. I know that my home will be blessed. My cupboards will be blessed. Everything that my hand touches will be prospered. Why - because I am doing the Lord's will. I am loving my husband.

Be blessed.

Day 28 - Love makes sacrifices

My spouse's greatest need from me is help with his business. William is an awesome photographer. However, running a small business is not his strength. I, on the other hand, love the challenge of business, but don't have the creative skills that he has. Sounds like a perfect match, right?

Well, I have to admit that I have been to this rodeo before. William and I have agreed that I would help him with various aspects of his business. He is always excited...at first. The sticking point is that William likes to work at a much slower pace than me. I like to make a decision and get on with it. He wants to think about it and forget about it and think about it some more. So, in the past, I have simply shared how I think it should be done or approached and have left him to go and make it happen. Not surprising, there hasn't been a lot of progress made.

So, in the name our marriage, I have chosen to do the following:

1. Developing a goals list for his business, including timeline for making them happen

2. Putting Kendall in daycare full time so he can devote more time to his work

While not radical changes, I hope it is enough to get us partnering on something that really matters to both of us and leverages our unique capabilities. Be blessed.

Day 27 - Love encourages

William hasn't ever told me that my expectations are unreasonable. At least, if he has, I can't remember. One area that I believe my expectations may be out of whack are when it comes to Kendall.

I believe William should help me more when it comes to her. I am often disappointed (although not openly expressing it) that I am always the one to wake up with her in the morning no matter what the time and I always give her a bath and put her to sleep in the evenings. However, I have not expressed this to him, so he may think that those are tasks that I really want to do everyday....and he's likely right. See - the one thing that today's dare taught me is that in an effort to keep peace, I don't always share my expectations. So expectations that aren't shared are difficult to meet.

So, I have chosen to not expect his help in the mornings and in the evenings UNLESS I ask for it. AND, I will be more grateful for the awesome privelege it is to take care of Kendall. She is my ministry. She will follow my lead and example and I want to pour into her the very best as often as I can.

So, today, I apologize to William for having unrealistic expectations that I haven't even communicated. My focus is on him and Kendall, recognizing all of the wonderful things he does to keep our family life and marriage strong.

Day 26 - Love is responsible

Can you tell? The real photographer is back?

Today's dare is one that I want to bring to life in every part of my life. The ability to admit my mistakes openly and share what I learned from it is something I have been focused on at work. How much more do I want to build that into my most important relationship?

For today's dare, there are three areas I am asking for forgiveness:

1. Holding grudges

2. Thinking on the negative vs. expecting the best

3. Not confronting issues in a timely manner

Things that I want to resolve with William this weekend:

1. What do we really want to do about Kendall's child care long term

2. Where are we going on vacation in the fall?

3. Do we really want to move ? What are we committed to do at our current house?

Hope you are still enjoying the Love Dare. Be blessed!

Day 25 - Love forgives

William with a touch of salt & pepper hair

William with his first taste of H2O with Gas in a few weeks

Today's dare was fairly straightforward. I have forgiven William for any and everything he has ever done wrong towards me. The thing I have chosen to work on is forgiving EVERYONE more quickly. Last week, my mom wanted to do something for my brother, despite making a commitment to do something for me. She put her commitment to me on the back burner to take care of his need. I wasn't happy at all.

However, I made up in my mind to forgive her right away. She wasn't operating with any malice in her heart. She simply didn't want to discuss/explore a solution that allowed her to meet my brother's needs, while still keeping her commitment to me.

Today's dare showed me the importance of communication and being courageous enough to have the conversations that will ultimately help us stay out of hot water with the people we love most. My mother could have said, 'I know I committed to do this with you, however, something has come up and I'd like to be there for your brother. How should I approach this, so you don't feel slighted and I can do something that's important to me.' Instead, she pretended that she could meet both of our needs at the same time, which was not possible.

Usually, my reaction is, 'Can you believe my mom did this? She completely sold me out.' Instead, I chose to not focus on being a victim, but rather on being the victor. I said, mom, if you had told me that you needed to do something for Marshall, then I would have done something else while you helped him out. Instead, you took away my options to do anything else by pretending that you could address both of our needs at the same time. In the future, I'd appreciate you just telling me what you have to do and presenting me with options.

She agreed, but I am sure she felt scolded by her daughter. I felt great, because I had the opportunity to be honest and transparent with someone I love. I didn't blame her or yell at her or give her the silent treatment. I simply told her what i didn't like about what she did and how I'd like to be treated going forward.

For me, William is the easiest person in the world to talk to like this. He is my soul mate. We are beyond hurting one another's feelings or having to put up false faces. We just tell it like it is. And he is the first to apologize to restore order in our relationship. I just love this man. I am so happy he has returned safely - and even with a little salt & pepper on top.

Be blessed!

Day 24 - Love vs. Lust

Today's dare was a bit of a challenge, because it has been hard for me to identify something that I am lusting after.

I honestly don't have anything that comes to mind. I am not power trippin' for someone else's job or house. I do want a new car - but I am trusting God to supply the car I want without a car payment. So, until there is enough $$ in the savings account, I will continue driving the paid for cars in the garage. William and I are considering buying a new house, but we have also committed to only buying a house that has everything we are looking for and is one we can afford. So, I can't really identify anything that's forbidden that I want.

I am LOVING my husband today. After two weeks in Haiti, he returns home tonight and I am so excited to see him. I am a stickler about Kendall's bed time, but will break the rules this time, so she can see her dad when he gets to the airport this evening. So look out for William's comments as he returns from Haiti and gets caught up on my progress on the Love Dare.

Be blessed!

Day 23 - Love always protects

Kendall's first two teeth!

Today's dare was about giving up anything that is hindering you from always protecting your spouse. The two things I identified that I need to give up:

1. Swedish fish: I know this likely sounds small and insignificant. Frankly, I'd like to believe that to be so. However, given that I eat them almost daily, it must be masking something else that's going on that I don't want to face. This isn't new for me. I can think of going to the store as a teen and getting a back of swedish fish - why? Perhaps, when I get stressed, its my drug of choice. Or, when I am frustrated, I turn to a handful of candy. Sure, its not killing me. But, like any drug, it's not allowing me to fully experience my emotions and deal with them. It allows me to chill out and supress any emotions that I need to share. Therefore, I am putting them away completely. I am not clear right now on what it's helping me to avoid. Until I know it, then I need to be done with it.

2. Waiting for the other shoe to drop: I refuse to sit and wait for bad things to happen. I have chosen to believe that God only wants good for my life. The song by David Lawrence, Eden, talks about living on top of the world. That's where God designed us to live. When I am living, hoping that, if something bad happens, I am equipped to deal with it, that's a problem. I want to only expect God's best. I put this into action immediately. As Kendall and I said her prayers this evening, I prayed for her teeth, since she's teething. I took it a step further. I prayed that she is pain-free as she teeths. I prayed that her 'real' teeth are straight, so that she never needs braces ( That is truly a prayer of faith since I had braces and William is considering getting them).

Net - I want to protect my marriage by working on myself. Isn't that crazy? Most messages suggest that our spouses are the ones that need fixing. Love always protects gives me some tangible things I need to work on to strengthen our marriage. Thank God!!

Day 22 - Love is faithful

Faithful love, Hosea's type of love is impossible without Christ. Why?

Because our egos won't allow it. None of us wants to look like we are being played, even if its by our spouse. Something rises up in us that says, 'I don't have to take this. Doesn't he/she know who I am? I'm out.' But faithful love says that no matter what comes or goes, I am here. No matter what you do, I am not going anywhere. I am committed to this marriage. If you are sick, I'm still here for you. If you do me wrong, I will forgive you and we will move on.

As parents, many of us have no problem having this type of faithful love for our children. But why not our spouses? I know what my flesh says. Because he's grown and should know better. And that is true. However, trials only come to make me strong. They come to make me turn my back on my commitments. They come to give me a reason to give up. They come to make a liar out of me and what I stand for.

But, I am committed to my faith. I am committed to God. I am committed to marriage. I am committed to my children. I am committed to my best life. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God

Love is satisfied in God. This means that if I have nothing but God, I am satisfied. If my husband were to perish, I am satisfied in God. If my Kendall Rose were to go away, I am satisfied in God. If I am laid off from my job and can't find work, I am satisfied in God. If I am sick in my body and can't get well, I am satisfied in God. If my mother is called home to be with the Lord, I am satisfied in God.

I don't love God because of what he does, I love Him because of who he is. Because he first loves me. This is my prayer.

I also want to share the other side of this. If I live in a mansion, I am satisfied with God. If I am driving a Bentley, I am satisfied in God. If I am blessed with 3 healthy children, I am satisfied in God. If I am a General Manager at P&G, I am satisfied in God. If I am healthy and my parents live beyond 100 years old, I am still satisfied in God.

Even as God is blessing me, I will remember that God is my joy. God is the reason for all of the blessings I have. My push is to stay in God's word, regardless of the situation. I don't want God to have to send bad situations my way for me to stay focused on Him. I want God to get the glory for everything good thing that happens to me.

I desire to be satisfied in God. That way, I am not caught up in the situations of life. I just rest in the Lord. Why? Because I am satisfied.

Be satisfied.

Day 20 - Love is Jesus Christ!

Kendall in her 4th of July gear

Mommy and Kendall celebrating the 4th

Happy Independence Day! Today, we celebrate 233 years of our country's freedom from British rule. God's greatest desire for us is to be free. In the bible, there are over 180 scriptures that talk about freedom from physical, mental, and spiritual opression. The verse that was on my heart today is John 8:31-32:

31To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

This day, our dare is all about getting to know Him. Its about getting into His word, so he can speak to us and investing in prayer, that we may talk with him. I encourage you this day, in honor of our spiritual independence, to celebrate by forming a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. My focus will be on freedom. I want to be free from the disappointments of the past, the shame of my mistakes, and the fear of failure.

Here's to a wonderful 4th and total freedom!

Day 19 - Love is impossible

Love is truly impossible. Its bigger than each of us. That's because its a gift from God.

--I don't find it hard to love William. God makes it easy.

--My eyes don't wander because God allows me to stay focused on William.

--I get up in the middle of the night to feed Kendall not because I want to. God has given me a desire in my heart to care for her.

I love and strive to love more because God first loved me. He favors me. He adores me. When I treat others like God treats me, I show him how much I love him. God makes love possible. The dares have all been possible, because of God. I thank Him for loving me the way he does. I thank Him for blessing me with a wonderful spouse. I want to love William unconditionally to show God how grateful I am for His love.

Be blessed!

Day 18 - Love seeks to understand

Today's dare will be delayed by a week...I will plan a nice dinner with William next Thursday to celebrate his return from Haiti. I can't wait to find out how his trip has shaped his vision for the future...and how his past experiences prepared him for the journey he just completed.

I will share my experiences from the past two weeks and my learning from our time apart. I can't wait to tell him how much of a difference he makes. He commands a peace in our home that transcends thousands of miles - even in his absence, his presence is still felt. Kendall and I did a lot of traveling during William's first week away. While she did well, she slept like a baby, literally, as soon as she came home. She has been smiling non-stop. My mom has been here all week and there hasn't been any drama - WHY? Because my husband has created a safe place for us. He has prayed over our home. He has set things in order. Despite his absence, the grass continues to get cut, the trash is being taken out, we have overflow in the bank account. He has set things in order and I appreciate and love him for that. The SPIRIT OF GOD is truly in this place. So I am eager to tell my husband that I am committed to investing more time thanking him...appreciating him...loving him...praying for him...loving him.

Be blessed!

Day 17 - Love promotes intimacy

Kendall with her Uncle 'D' in Detroit

As stated in the book, marriage allows us to get to know another human being at a level that we often only know ourselves. This makes sense since marriage makes us one flesh. Maintaining the confidentiality of what's shared in the marital realm is an awesome responsibility. However, when we think of it as keeping our own secret, suddenly it becomes much more easy to do.

William has shared some of his biggest fears, failures, and disappointments with me. In the past, I have listened with an ear to psycho-analyze him, thinking I can figure out what makes him tick and build a plan on how I can 'fix' him. Reading today's dare helped me to realize that it's not my job to fix him, but rather to love him and pray for him. I don't have to help him overcome his fears or tell him that he shouldn't be disappointed by the situations that life presents. My job is to love him. Because I love him, I pray that the Lord intercede and give him the strength he needs to overcome his fears, learn from his failures and guard his heart from disappointments.

Ahh...what a relief that I don't have to do everything. Simply cast my cares upon the Lord because he cares for me. Be blessed.